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Predictions for the EPL

  • Rafa Benítez, the sweet Spaniard everyone loves to hate, will be fired as Liverpool manager sometime after the first of the year, when it becomes obvious even to the Americans running the club that his system and the players he’s chosen will not win anything. You’re lucky you’re at Liverpool, Rafa. Roman Abramovich would have gotten rid of you years ago. The really unforgivable thing is your system is boring, boring, boring.
  • The bookmakers have got it right. Chelsea will win the league, but if and only if Drogba remains healthy.
  • Wayne Rooney will finally have a 20-goal season. Even so, Man U will be forced to find a proven goal scorer from abroad, because Berbatov, even though he has exquisite touch and is working his ass off this year, can’t seem to find the net. Where is Robbie Keane when you need him? Oh I know. Back at Tottenham.
  • Clint Dempsey, though an oddly awkward looking American footballer, will continue his scoring ways, perhaps with a team other than Fulham.
  • Everton will finish in the bottom half of the table. Anyone who saw them play the U.S. All-Stars will know why. By the way, so will Aston Villa.
  • There is a 99.9 percent probability that Burnley F.C. will go down. It’s sad, of course, but even Hull and Stoke can crush them. Nevertheless, or perhaps because of this, Burnley’s chairman, Barry Kilby, will be voted sweetest old guy in England.
  • Not a single English referee will be suspended this year for gross negligence, even more than a few of them will be guilty of it.

August 18, 2009   Comments Off